so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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