they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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