Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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