there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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