We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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