Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
