they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
