I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
