I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
