So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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