I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize