i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
