how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
