ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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