actually, I'm a sock model
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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