We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
