Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize