Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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