My hand turned me down
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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