It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
