dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
