i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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