oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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