Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
