i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
