If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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