dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
