Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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