I think my fart just growled at me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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