I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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