im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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