We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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