I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
