so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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