its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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