I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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