I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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