There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
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Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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