My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
