she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
