my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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