After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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