life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I party with great urgency now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
