we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm always down for nudity.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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