We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
