No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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