I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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