sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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