their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
