I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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