now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
