we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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