Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
