When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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