Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
