I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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