Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
