Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
