worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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