I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
