He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
