im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
