My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.