Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.