Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC