I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.