dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS