So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.