he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.