So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment