You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
