It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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